Academic relationship
Things don’t seem that hard when you look back
As an Indian kid with Desi parents, academics is a huge huge part of your life. It’s literally a stereotype.
Since you are a kid, you have been told the same old tale that if you study well, you will get into a good college, and if you get to a good college, you will get a job, a high-paying job, where you must pay back some money to your parents every month, because that’s the entire point, and not selfish.
If you have good job, good wife, good wife means happy life.
Happy life means no heart attack.
No heart attack means you are immortal.
This is the reason most Indians are in this huge rat race. Between all this, life takes place, but those moments where you live, are not there.
But, this rat race can’t be won, unfortunately.
You have to just get defeated, and then be okay with whatever you receive. It’s one of those cruel things about life that makes you feel like you have no control over anything.
Actually, most of the world is in this rat race, it is not region specific.
I don’t have a good relationship with my academics.
When I was in 6th grade, my sister was in her 12th, and that’s when I first heard about KCET AND PUC exams. I wore it like a badge of honour that I knew more than anyone else about how the world works and everything. I was very wrong.
The badge of honour didn’t last long, as that’s when the pressure of studying well entered. I was told to study well or else in the long term, I would end up not getting a distinction, which means, I was at the end of the rat race before it even started. A loser. I tried to be better. But it didn’t work.
This pressure built up for around 6 years, and unlike an actual pressure cooker, my mom did not come and turn it off after 3 whistles. The pressure broke me, it did not build me back up.
See, the pressure was actually supposed to make me stronger, somehow it didn’t. I’m surprised too. Astonished. Flabbergasted.
The pressure was supposed to make me smarter, and constant comparison with peers and cousins, you can do better attitude when I did good, and the I told you so attitude when I didn’t do good, formed the amalgam of the personality and person, who is I.
Now I’ve become that person, who can’t stop comparing, who can’t relax without being productive, whose energy has been drained, and joules can’t be negative if I’m right. The pressure cooker broke. (Last pressure cooker analogy, I’ll stop)
It’s weird how it all comes down to god in the end. Like somehow God was responsible for all this. That’s just a reason Indian parents give to make sure they don’t have any blame put on them. It’s to take themselves out of the picture. Blame something abstract, that always works.
In the end, I don’t know what matters, marks? God? Pressure cooker?
All I know is, I matter and what I think matters.
A part of me wants to prove my parents wrong by studying harder and showing them I am indeed an academic weapon, but I don’t have anything to prove. I need to believe in what choices and decisions I make.
But I'll still crave their validation✨✨✨
Probably.
Thank you and have a nice day.
